About The Lincolnshire Zephyr
The Lincolnshire Zephyr is brought to you once a week by an array of talented staff and contributors. Here are just a few of them.
Melville Battery has a long and distinguished career in journalism. Starting out as a dogsbody for The Barnstaple Gleaner, he quickly joined the journalistic staff after writing an award-winning exposé about cheese and onion flans. He then went on from strength to strength, including a stint as a reporter for the regional TV news show Let's Focus On Cheshire. This was to prove a bit too 'showbiz' for our Melville, though, and so he returned to the written word and enjoyed a sojourn as the head of the news team for The Batley Klaxon. It is with The Lincolnshire Zephyr, however, that Melville finally managed to land the much-coveted and long-awaited editor's job.
Mauritania recently began a career in journalism after several years of successful ostrich breeding. She holds a PhD in Watercress Husbandry and is a Fellow of the Royal Harmonica Society. She lives with her husband, Arbuthnot and her three children, Thoth, Chandelier and Dave. She is the Zephyr's resident travel expert and has visited a number of far-flung and exotic locations such as Peru and Mansfield.
Winston has made a successful career of sniffing out exclusives from his vast network of contacts, and when that fails, going through the bins of celebrities. He maintains that it's only by divesting himself of his morals, shame and dignity that he has got to where he is today. Winston is a larger-than-life character who plays as hard as he works and can often be found quaffing champagne in the V.I.P. lounge of Lincoln's premier nightclub, Sugarcubes, until the early hours of the morning. Not that this adversely affects his work - as Winston himself says, "I've had some of my most brilliant flashes of inspiration whilst sicking up in someone's hedge."
Martin is something of a local sporting legend. At the age of 12 he represented England in the World Slurryball Championships where they finished a respectable 27th. He then went on to unicycling, where he won a number of competative awards including the Su Pollard Trophy. Sadly, a strained ligament put him out of action for the remainder of his teenage years, but happily he recovered just in time to represent his native Lincolnshire in the National Under 21's Pogo Competition where he was narrowly pipped to first place by Myra Hindley. Although he rarely competes these days, he has remained active in the local sporting scene as a coach for both the Washingborough Flycatching Squad and the Sausthorpe Tigers Junior Spazball Team.
Whether it's our familiar domesticated friends or nature's furry-arsed mentalists, there's not much that Fiona doesn't know. As well as running the Bewildered Animal's Sanctuary at Little Hale, she is an active campaigner for The World Wildlife Fund, the RSPCA and Avon. What's left of her spare time is devoted to her pets, Itchy the iguana, Cyril the stick insect, Monty the mouse and Fuckwit the cat. She is currently collecting bits of scrap metal in the hope of one day melting it all down and making a sculpture of her beloved golden labrador, Matron, who sadly died last year by choking on a windsock.
At first glance, it's easy to dismiss Reuben as a flatcap-wearing anachronism who waffles on in a dialect that nobody understands any more. However, spending just five minutes in his company will reveal a warm-hearted, convivial gent who inspires pride in the county of Lincolnshire. Whether he's talking about hiding in Andersen shelters during the war, or the time the Lord Mayor's speech was ruined by some cows farting, Reuben never ceases to amaze and delight. It's no surprise, then, that we took him on board to provide thoughtful insights into Lincolnshire life - the people, the farming, and of course, the violence.
